First Blog

I begin this first blog with hazy eyes in part due to ghastly seasonal hayfever and also due to the fact my last few nights have only had intermittant sessions of rest. Changing sleeping positions, watching old Ally Mcbeals and Sex in the Citys, opening my bedroom window, closing my bedroom window and then resorting to going downstairs and going online, hoping that the glaring computer screen will tire my eyes so they have no choice but to close. This sequence of action is occuring so frequently I am stirred to find a resolve.

Having an outlet for my thoughts and ideas has become a necessity to be able to continue to function as a human being. The nights are spent awake , words and images floating around my head with an all engrossing fear of losing them forever once I lose consciousness . The regret that the misplaced thoughts will never return and that it could have been one to make a difference is pure torture.
I had diaries for many years to vent any personal struggles and scribble with frustrated gusto until I almost ripped the pages with the pen nib. Having something tangible like a diary , left an underlying anxiety that someday an unsolicted person would read the contents…. I cannot bring myself to destroy them though , I do wonder what will become of them in the future and whether they will ever be read again…

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