It’s unfortunate that this post should fall at a time when my boyfriend is actually reading my blog. As he is away with work for a number of weeks, he’s been reading my blogs to feel somewhat connected to what I’m thinking and doing in his absence. So Si, if you’re reading this, don’t go thinking I miss or plan on being single. I just wanted to write a post for my single readers, in case they’re feeling down about Valentines day.
First of all, please remember what a non day Valentines is. It’s just a tool for card shops, florists, restaurants and chocolate brands to make some extra money – a useful marketing tool. Of course it’s nice to have a day that jolts you into telling people you care or love for them, but really we should be doing that every other day of the year.
So, let me get to the point of this post. I want it to serve as a reminder of the positivies and wonderful aspects of being single.
1. You can act on whim and instinct. When you’re in a relationship there is a certain level of courtsey and expectation relating to the decisions you make in your life. You tend to tell them your plans, whether you are booking anything, whether you’re going to be away, if you’re thinking of getting a tattoo even. I’m not saying that you seek approval, but you do tend to run things past them. When you’re single you can almost be a bit more spontaneous….selfish even. If you want to go travelling for months, or even just head to Ibiza for a wild weekend, you can just book it – as long as your finances and boss allow. Well if you’re a true wild heart you probably don’t even consider those two factors. If you want to make decisions like that you when you’re in a relationships you often take their feelings into consideration, and how it will effect them – which sometimes hinders progress or acheivement of said goal.
2. I want to refer to this quote from one of my all time favourite tv shows, Ally Mcbeal.
‘The real truth is, I probably don’t want to be too happy or content.
Because, then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That’s the
fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What
do you know? I’m having a great time and I don’t even know it.’
If your single (and looking) there’s a thrill to be had out of the search. That antiscipation.The not knowing of what or who is round the corner, well it can ever so exciting. That feeling that you could bump into Mr or Mrs Right (or right now) at any moment. Before things happen, we only have imagination and hope, and the scenarios we dream up can make facing every new day a bit more fun.
3. The Tingles. We all love movies/tv shows where we see/feel chemistry between two characters. That frisson, electricity, sexual tension. We even prefer it to when a couple actually gets together. Think about how much better it was before Daphne and Niles got together for instance. But this sensation is even better in real life, particularly when it’s happening to you.
When I speak to my married friends, although content, they are united in feeling rather nostalgic about those early pre relationships moments. Although it can be rather stressful at times, particularly if there are tactics and game playing involved, the first lot of texts can be riveting. Every time the phone vibrates you, your heart starts pumping a little harder, and you move a little bit too quick to read it. You then message your friends to help you compose the perfect replies.
4. You’re an individual. I’ve always found the following, to be the most difficult thing to deal with when it comes to relaionships. The great thing about being single is that if you get invited to something, it’s because they want you there. You are known for you, your achievements, beliefs, talents, achievments etc. Occasionaly when you partner up this gets diluted…even lost. If you date someone, you can often be referred to as ‘insert names’ girlfriend. This is even more the case if the person you date is more well known than you. You become a plus 1, an other half….no longer just you, a person, an individual. I never want to think I got anything because of an association. I want to celebrate my achievments because I attained them on my own merit.
Don’t get me wrong, when I love someone I’m so proud to call them my partner, my team mate (Si I’m talking to you)….but I also want people to know me.
5. You can find yourself. Sorry for sounding like an absolute hippy, but it’s true. A lengthy period of time of your own is so healthy and powerful. During this time, via trial and error, you can find out what you want from life, your boudaries, your passions, your goals and so on. If you want to take risks or experiement in terms of your career or lifestyle, you can do so unhindered, and without worrying that your affecting someone else.
It’s so important we are capable of being content and happy on our own. As a young adult you shouldn’t feel you NEED a partner to be happy or content. If the right person comes along then they should be the cherry on top, the added bonus, and someone to share your happy moments with.
If you feel like you are one of those people that perhaps relies to heavily on having another half, and go from relationship to relationship, maybe question why you do this.
We all have things that could be worked on – issues, insecurities. It’s far better we attempt to tackle them, work on them, or if we’re lucky, even eradicate them, before we embark on relationships.
6.You CAN save money. Obvisouly some singletons are on the razz all the time, going on lots of holidays, going out with friends, going on dates, spending their money on themselves. However when it comes to Christmas and Birthday’s being a relationship can be pricey. Since social media became a constant and prevalent thing in our daily lives, the expectant and pressure to gift your partners with presents worthy of an instagram or tweet is huge. Of course we should rally against such silly pressures, but we still feel them.
Even if you don’t save money, there is more opportunity to spend money on exactly what you want to spend it on. When you become a twosome you have to take into consideration your mutual plans…which may involve saving for something you’ll be sharing.
7. Friendships blossom. It’s not uncommon for friendships to dwindle or suffer when people get into relationships. It’s natural to an extent because, as you have another person to consider when you divide up your time. A friend that may have always been your plus one to events or parties, will no longer fill that space. It’s actually a really tough balance to maintain.
If you’re single, alongside spending time finding yourself, you can invest a lot of time into you friends and family. I think some of us don’t realise till it’s too late how fantastic those years as a singleton with you friends are – those laughter fueled nights out or in, TMI chats about boys/girls, and helping eachother through those real tough life experiences.
Friends are always imporant and those relationships should be cherished, single or not. However, when you are single there’s a few more opportunities to revel in them, so make the most of that. Make loads of memories that will make you chuckle or smile whenever you recall them.
So my single sirens and sirs, I hope that’s made you realise what a wonderful position you’re in. Make the most of your freedom, be you to the full.